“How do I trust?” This short and yet challenging question came to me in my Facebook messages shortly before Christmas. It is one to ponder for sure. And there is not necessarily a simple answer. Yet, I love this question and this topic, mainly because the simple willingness to learn to trust opens the door to a wonderland of potential and possibilities. I decided I needed some time to contemplate this deep topic before I jumped into a response. As I sat this morning to meditate, I looked up at my Christmas tree lights, without the aid of my glasses which laid perched beside me. The sweet memories of the Christmas mornings of my childhood flooded back to me as the lights glowed with their soft, yet blurry halos. I remembered the year I got my first pair of glasses and discovered that our tree was bedecked with clear points of lights rather than the blurry auras I had perceived with my limited vision.
I realize that as I’ve spent more time in meditation and communion with Love Itself over these past few years, my spiritual vision has also grown in clarity. It reminds me of 1 Corinthians 13:12 NRSV which says, “For now we see in a mirror dimly, but then we will see face to face. Now I know only in part; then I will know fully, even as I have been fully known.”
Trusting hasn’t always come easily for me and given my history with worry, I would say that I was better at listening to the voice of fear rather than the Voice of Love Itself, which is the source of peace and freedom from fear. It seems to me that many of us don’t try trusting until we feel backed up against a wall and realize there is no other solution. I can think of the most challenging times of my own life and realize that is where trust…well actually surrender, became part of my practice. As I think of it, you really can’t learn trust without first practicing surrender.
So often we get to that place of surrender, perhaps after a long, hard internal battle, and discover that God really did show up. But then we move on to the next segment of our lives never really contemplating the amazing blessings that came of that surrender. We flip back into denial thinking that we are isolated and alone again and have to go back to doing things with the power of our own feeble little bodies and minds not even stopping to consider that the power and strength of Love Itself is ready to help us with the fun of creating our own lives and not just in the challenging times. If you look back to the times you did surrender the outcome of something you really cared about to the power of Love Itself, can you recognize how God showed up?
Jere and I are approaching our 15th wedding anniversary and this in itself is a beautiful reminder for both of us of the power of surrender. You see, we both can name clearly where we were and what we said when we finally hit that point of surrender. I had closed out my dating app for the last time, walked in through my kitchen, threw up my hands and said in exasperation, “I Give! This is up to you God. I’m done trying to make this happen!” I turned my attention toward my own self care and started going to the gym for exercise. And THAT’S when he showed up. What’s more, Love Itself did not just lead me to a man who had some or even most of the traits for which my soul longed. Jere doesn’t just like to buy flowers, he adores flowers. He plants them all over our yard! He doesn’t just enjoy nature, he nurtures nature. I’ve never known a person who looked after the birds in our yard with such attention and care. The list is endless. I’ve seen time and time again, Love Itself is ready and waiting with boundless gifts. I just need to learn to practice more surrender and trust.
The following message also came to me only a few days before Christmas in the midst of my meditation. I’m wondering now if it was in response to that initial question, “How do I trust?”
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